When a Giftee Throws Away Your Homemade Gift
Has Adam Savage ever experienced someone throwing away his homemade gift, and how did he move past the knock to his …
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March 5, 2026
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"Harmony in Every Heartbeat
Has Adam Savage ever experienced someone throwing away his homemade gift, and how did he move past the knock to his …
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More "ask Adam" videos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nq44ZEe_zMI&list=PLJtitKU0CAeijYFoPJQ9eUcxDZUrpST4n
I'm surrounded by a lot of makers in my life so sometimes I forget how unaware some people are of just how personal and meaningful it feels to give someone a gift you made yourself. And then when I'm faced with someone who doesn't realize handmade gifts are that meaningful I'm always so astonished. So, ya, this is a good thing to remember I think.
The good news is that when you're a maker, it's kind of hard to stay away from the act of creation. It takes time to get over emotional injuries like this, sometimes it takes years! But, in my experience, everyone bounces back eventually. Another good reminder: Give it time and trust you'll get back there eventually. Just focus on being kind to yourself in the meantime.
Well said Adam. I needed that. I once spent days raising a hand hammered copper bowl from a flat sheet of scavenged copper. Thousands of hammer blows to make a really deep bowl (try it if you haven't). I gave it to friends for their new mountain house. While visiting as a house guest sometime later… I noticed it was not on display among the other art pieces that they had purchased.. or anywhere in fact. Then, later, I noticed my bowl was on the floor of their basement with some dirty rags in it. I picked it up and put it in my suitcase and took it back home with me. They never noticed it gone. They've even seen it proudly displayed at my home since then and said nothing. Embarrassed I guess… or just didn't care most likely. Now, unless someone expresses interest in advance, I don't give away my work. Ever. I now give them a massed produced coffee mug with "Best Friend Ever!" on it instead!
Adam, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 65 years old now and have had many of that experiences you told. Some things still hurt, especially when people who are very close to you, do such things to you. That's life and we have to deal with it. It's a shame
As for my own experiences along this line, I do have a positive story to share about a friend who didn't throw away what I made for him.
One of the last times we hung out at his old place, before I moved, we had a 24 hour gaming marathon during which I, from start to finish, made an 8ft 16 plait bullwhip with my portable kit. It was the last cable-core whip I made, and decided to leave it with him when I moved, as a symbol of friendship and a reminder of all that late-night, caffeine-fueled gaming.
Rather than throw it out, he was reduced to tears by the gesture. He doesn't know how to use whips yet, but he has it kept in a safe place. You can't buy that anywhere in the world.
Disrespectful on an unforgivable level. Because someone who barely knows you has decided your work has little value, they just sweep it away without a second thought.
Many makers never recover from a blow like that, and stop making altogether. The effect becomes one of "If I make this, it will just end up destroyed, so why bother." And the instant that occurs, the spark of creation dies.
To me, there is little in this world sadder than a maker who cannot make. But one who's been tricked by others into believing what they make has no value…that's near the top of the list.
Side Note: Mr. Savage, if you had welded me a dish rack, I'd have sooner lost the house than that rack. I love functional gifts. When you buy some random trinket for someone, that's a "nice" thing to do, but it doesn't have more impact than just another thing they have to figure out what to do with. But when you make something functional, you're not only showing that person that you care about them…you're proving that you know them well enough to know what would assist them in their daily lives. Besides…some of those things can't be bought in any store.
I cook because it's something I'm discovering a talent for, and finding out I don't actually suck at it like I thought. But even so, some people I've known won't eat anything I make. It's like they don't trust food just because it came from me. It's made me stumble, but never quit. I just don't cook for those people anymore.
For some people…making things is how they show affection and interest in you as a person. For some, it's the only way to express a personal bond, or communicate. For some, it's their only creative outlet, or mechanism for dealing with stress. When a person carelessly disregards something that personal and core to a person's creative interest, it can be years before recovery begins. Some people just never bother to create again. What we lose when that happens isn't just a mantle full of semi-interesting widgets; it's an entire branch of thought process, creative potential, and possibly new methodologies which could help other creators.
That one seemingly insignificant act of tossing a handmade gift could utterly destroy the limitless possibilities that come from bringing a thought into the world through your own two hands.
Hold the f*** up… Somebody was offered directly by Adam Freakin' Savage to custom weld something beautiful and functional for their new home as a wedding gift and actually said, "nah, I'm good. Give me a mug or something."???
Straight to the gulag.
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your work and stories. I too use to make models and haven’t since I was a child. A family member got angry with me and threw out a fighter get that consisted of thousands of parts and was almost two feet in length. Hearing you talk about this makes me realize now 43 I should get back into the hobby and let the past be the past
"When you make something it's really all about you, y'know"
That's the most despicable response to a gift offer I've ever heard, and as an amateur artist who gives gifts of creations out of love for somebody, it even cut me.
: )
I don't make things for people unless I know in some way that they wanted them, like I listen to my loved ones and if they say they could use or that they'd like something then I'd get or make that thing or some version of it because I like to know the audience I'm building for so I can know if the piece will land emotionally, otherwise yes, I kinda am just building for me, which is fine, be ya just gotta be honest about that. Don't give things to people that they don't want and ALWAYS know not everyone will value your work just because it was hard work.
One day that person would have come home to a one-ton steel coffee mug in the middle of their yard. Just like they asked for.
Awesome Speech! Well said!
I asked a friend who was an aspiring musician to make me a piece of music based on another musical piece.
They did it.
The piece they made for me was… not great.
That individual and I lost touch with each other and we've lost contact but i still have that music file and I occasionally listen to it. It's grown on me over the years. I cherish it because it reminds me of a good friend who i frequently collaborated with in joint musicsl writing projects.
i imagine he also gave away the one that turned out better…
I’m also a maker. My primary medium is wood. I hadn’t heard it expressed this way before, but I think your family member was right. The act of making something for someone is very much about oneself – at least as much as it is about the recipient of the gift. You’re making it because it is more personal. That’s also why that statement hurt. Because it’s about you as well.
I also have an anecdote to share.
I have a family member who is a very good guitar player. He worked professionally for a couple of decades before kids. I also play guitar (doctorate in classical guitar; adjunct professor of guitar, and FT music teacher), and have built classical guitars and period instruments since 2010. In 2020, I decided to build my first steel string guitar, and to make my first arm bevel. And to make it for this person. It came out beautifully. I gave it to him. I think he played it then, and probably never again. He left it in a place not great for an instrument. The bridge came off, strings pulled directly on the top distorting and cracking it. His dog peed on it. I noticed it last year, and said I could fix it up for him. It’s been sitting in my shop ever since. I haven’t mustered the will to put it on the bench and fix it.
I used to be a really creative person. It didn’t take many of these stories for me to just quit. I’m trying to get back into it now.
I had made a pot in high school that was this cool coiled snake and because I took a over hour long bus ride to get home I asked the art teacher to hold onto it because I'd be getting picked up tomorrow. The pot did not survive the night.
If only they knew who's stuff they were throwing out.
Relative in story 3 deserves nothing after making a comment like that
Story of my life
.. I've learned that when I make things for other people, they rarely care, but if I make things for myself, then when people show interest in it I will just give it to them, and the appreciation is felt
sorry adam i know it hurts but heres some honesty from a giftee, i kinda understand what that family member might of meant. no offence but i can see how someone might not want the risk of you making something they dont like and having to have it displayed in the house under the unwritten gift rule, see santa clause A sub section 2 "you must show grandma you love the knitted sweaters by wearing them when she comes over ". hearing the word "welding" an object also might of made him think "oh god i dont want a robot junk yard in my house"(i know you wouldn't do that but thats what he might of thought)
your excitment might come across as you making a gift to show off and impress everyone(not saying that what you do AT ALL!!) but i had someone who would make "obligations" instead of gifts. where out of the blue you get a nice cat theme knitted thing. it was sweet. but im allergic to cats and a dog person, im also a guy with a very different style than her. but you can bet if i didnt put it out somewhere she would ask "hows mr paws doing?".
when i was given it, i was under pressure to perform and tell her how much i loved it. which made me worry she would keep making me more stuff. it was good craft art. no joke that i do enjoy her seeing her talent and the thought and time that went into it. BUT did she make me a gift? or herself a gift to give me?
i love her but the gift was in front of loads of people and she had an audience to show off it off too. i dont think she meant it that way, but its another side to the coin.
kind of like when people buy you a gift they think you should like. "i love the twilight novels…….you HAVE to try them". im an artist if i heard some say that as a grown man i might of cried no BS. but i would also ask why does he think i make it about me? to be honest i think its just you excitment that can seem like you want to be the focus instead giving a nice gift.
your very introspective so if you ever see this(or tested this might make a good discussion) might help you understand and lessen the pain of hearing that. i didnt proof read this much as my dyslexia can make me spend way to long on a simple comment so my bad if it sounds "off".
Can someone please tell me the object that the prson made? Was it Geegah? giga? gihgah? cant ind anything close that makes sense online
Reminds me of when I corrected someone who was complaining that their their friend gave them a "used book."
When a reader gifts you a book from their shelves, they are not giving you "some old used book."
They are handing you a piece of their spirit.
It's the same with things people have made. When someone gives you a thing they crafted, they are handing you some of their soul, their heart, for you to hold.
In junior high, I took wood shop and made myself a display shelf from some 3/8" redwood they had on hand. I was left with a piece that was the perfect size to make a trivet. A bit of sandpaper and work with a wire brush, and I brought it home to Mom. That simple piece of wood saw much use over the years – and Dad even reglued it when it split down the middle. It was one of a few things I brought home with me when it was time to help clean out my parents' place.
I made my mom a little 4" penguin out of wood that took me about 2 weeks to make it. I gave it to her while she was sitting at the dining room table and she was eating so i put it on the table for her to look at after she eats. I go back later and it's in the same exact spot I put it in, she never even picked it up, it stayed there for about 4 or 5 days in the same spot until I mentioned how much that hurt me.
I will give advice to everyone. From my own experience. If for some reason someone lost all the workshop tools studio. DO NOT GIVE UP UNDER ANY CASE!!! We do not live on the moon where there is no one.))) We live on a planet where there are billions of people and next to you too. Continue to create as a creator, this is the call of the soul, your personal purpose. There will always be people, even strangers, who will help you. Advice and everything else. This happens to me. ))) I am happy even with little things every day. It gives me strength to go along the most difficult road in the world. There is always a white streak in life. Good luck to everyone))) 🌞
On one hand, it really, really really sucks. They could have given it back, "It's cool and all, but I don't have a place for it or a use for it."
On the other, they've simplified your gift giving in the future. They clearly do not value material goods and do not wish to receive any.
This is where I really appreciate my ADHD and my tendency to enjoy the process vs. the final product in my making. Very often when I complete a project, I don't feel a sense of emotional connection to it outside of a very small handful of makes.
Recently I've started doing props design at my local theatre and it allows me the wonderful balance of throwing my whole heart and skills into a project and then simply letting them go to be used and loved in a show, and maybe later recycled for a different production. Often I get asked by cast members or the theatres if they can keep stuff and I'm always happy to say yes. I know then the people taking the objects will love and appreciate them. ❤️
100%
Such an interesting question! And something we've probably all dealt with—I've had that response to things I even bought for people that I put a lot of thought and care and sometimes money I barely had into trying to give a special gift. I think on the one hand we might be dealing with people who are pretty selfish and don't think about or appreciate what time, effort, creativity, etc. went into that piece that you created for them. Maybe they don't value what you do. But that doesn't mean that what you enjoy making isn't valid or very worthwhile. Not everyone will appreciate our work or this part of us that we enjoy expressing so much. I think accepting that is part of having a healthy resilience in our lives. We can still be happy in our own skin and with what we make even if there are others who don't like the same things we do. I think we can be selective about who we give our creative work to—there are some people who just aren't into it and it would probably be better to not give our own work to them. I think sometimes we need to realize too that what we make may not fit the personality of someone else. People have different likes and aesthetics. I think we've all received something before that we appreciated the person and their effort and money spent, but the item just wasn't who we are. We don't need to be rude to them and trash their stuff. But don't let these sorts of things pull you down and question your self worth, or cause you to develop bitterness for someone. Let it go. Move on and keep creating! Keep enjoying what you do! Even if other people here and there don't appreciate it like you do.
We all had that moments that left a scar when you discover that something you have made thoughfully, some that you think will fit in their lives, and then you discover it in the trash. Yeah, why not return it if they dont want it, dont like it, whatever? It hurts. But we do it again 🙂 Because is a way to express our love for the materials, for our craft and for the other person. Hurts but we keep going! Keep creating, keep spreading love! ☺
Every family has that "one" relative no one gets along with. In our family, it is one of our nieces, a wild child. We never knew when or if we would see her, and what the latest drama would be. One Christmas I decided to make a winter cowl in black eyelash and wool yarns; it was quite beautiful. She claimed to have loved it (and never gave compliments) but two years later, when we were helping her move, I found it in the 'give to thrift store' pile. I was devastated. Not only does this niece test one's patience, but she is extremely hard to like or love (she's in her 30s now). Thank you for this video – it helped validate for me that this was nothing personal about my abilities.
Yeah. I crocheted little snow people. 37 years of it. The last pair I gave away, I was very happy and proud. Two weeks later, I was told that the lady gave them to someone else. I was crestfallen. Never again. And that's when I decided that that woman is a USER and I never talked to her again.
Artists reacting badly to the idea that beauty is in the eye of the beholder? Wa wa wa wa wa wa.
Very well said.
I can imagine the difficulty you encounter when given gifts while on tour. Years ago we went to a book signing of a popular humorist. He was given gifts at every stop; some purchased reflecting local cutlure, some homemade. He was delighted with our young son who admired his work, so he reached into a bag of gifts he recieved at his last stop and gave one to my son; who was delighted. It was a small collection of artwork reflecting the culture of the last city the author had visited. When we looked through it, we found a handwritten note; clearly the author had not opened it. The author had explained that he traveled light and he just couldn't keep everything given to him. He appreciated the sentiment, but the fans felt a personal connection that could not be reciprocated at a one on one level.
I made mustard seed charms with a Bible verse and gave them out. A couple weeks ago, the church thrift store where I gave some of those to the workers…1 was for sale for $1. My first thought was “who here didn’t want it?” I felt sorry for it in a way, because I had created it, and there it was looking back at me. I almost bought it, but left it for someone who might need it. It hurt at first, but I guess they didn’t throw it out at least.
I made a beautiful knitted hat for my brother, which had black evergreen trees with an aurora borealis multicoloured background. My husband loved it and asked me to make a two more for his former in-laws for Christmas. I knit madly to complete them in time, and when we gave them to the brother-in-law, he didn't even remove all the wrapping paper, and said, "Oh, more toques." I was so shocked, but I blurted out, "They are hand made!". No response. I didn't say anything else, just was flabbergasted. Never again, so ungrateful. I console myself with the fact that I made them for my husband, really.😢
I spent a year designing and building a solid oak roll top desk complete with hand cut dovetail drawers and hidden compartments, for my wife. It even has a tambour door where each slat is carved and grooved to intricately mesh with the next. My wife loves it and it occupies a place in our home where she has used it every day since it was made a decade ago. However shortly after making it we had a long time close friend, who I deeply respect, over for dinner. Our guest looked at the desk and said “Hmm you spent a year on it, I just saw one just as nice at Walmart for $99”. The important part is my wife loves her desk but still that was over ten years ago and it still hurts today.
I make quilts to gift to people, but i do make a judgement beforehand on whether the recipient is quilt-worthy or not.
I understand this one in a large way.
I made a knitted item for my neice when she was about 5.
Granted it wasn't all that great, but she was too little to realize it wasn't perfect. Just a poncho thing with a hood on it. Something I wanted her to have for cool days to wear outdoors to play.
Less than a season after I gave it to her, I found this thing on the floor in the laundry room, all covered with mold.
Like, she wore it twice and her mother threw it in the laundry pile and left it on the floor in the damp to let it rot.
What was the object the writer had made?
Needle Workers have suffered with this for 75 years or more; whether knitting, crochet, sewing, quilting, or needle and thread art, we've all created pieces that were not respected.
The last story is the absolute best answer: Are you making this about you, or are you trying to truly fulfill a need for the recipient; like a commission piece where you have no control over the design or function.
As a professional sticks and strings person [knitting, crochet, tunisian crochet] I have learned a few hard truths: NEVER give your hand work away, unless the piece is something a friend or relative did cartwheels when they saw it.
NEVER offer to do your hand work for a friend or relative, FOR FREE. At the very least, you send them to the store to purchase the supplies. That way, they will get what they want, and they have invested into the project.
Next, Barter your Time, for their time, to cover the labor costs. No one can understand the time involved until your expect them to give you their time, in exchange. Oh, this baby blanket will take 10 hours to complete, I'll expect you to do 10 hours of housework or yardwork, or tax preparation [whatever their skills are] for me. Once they understand what you will be sacrificing, and they will need to reciprocate, they will usually back off, or those that truly understand the time investment, will offer to pay you fairly.
If you hand work for stress management, and I whole heartedly recommend it: simple basic stocking hats or beanie or slouchy caps sell well for me. Fingerless mitts are my top seller. For the home, the cheapest scratchiest acrylic yarn makes great dish scrubbies and take 15-20 minutes to sitch; and towels with stitch toppers to tie onto handles in the kitchen. That's it. Those things that you don't pour your heart and soul into, are the things you give as gifts.
For other Hardware hand work, keep the pieces small and simplistic and utilitarian. Limit your time and expenses to things like Key Ring Fobs, or table top trivets, or Key Hook stands.
Never burden someone with a work of art, unless they have commissioned the piece from you. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, NOT the creator. You can make something you are so proud of, but only 1 out of 1K people will agree with you. Those who make things with their hands, must develop the humility to not presume everyone will love with they create.
Take these experiences on as a lesson to know who you are. Don’t ever let someone else define you.