How To Recover From Narcissistic Mothers | Marisa Peer
Having a narcissistic mother can have a devastating impact on you, even in adulthood. Most people don’t know how to cope, …
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March 17, 2026
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"Harmony in Every Heartbeat
Having a narcissistic mother can have a devastating impact on you, even in adulthood. Most people don’t know how to cope, …
source
I was 15 and my first crush had lifted me a small pack of glow in the dark stars and I one day came back from school to find she had used the entire thing on decorating my brother's room I was furious and asked my grandma if my mother knew those were mine and had been a gift to me why would she have used them? My grandma said my mom told her she thought I'd be OK with it since it was for my brother's room and if it was that big a deal that she'd just get me another pack and see if she could get that boy to touch them for me so I would feel they were special
OMG- it’s just said out loud what I need. Distance
My mother would say i cant remember it and say she might as well be dead when i would bring things up. She always told me im a moodly little bitch and no one would want me. That and all the physical, emotional, neglect, abandonment and put downs, damaged me in everyway possible. She was so cold and critical
It is impossible to have a conversation with a Narcissistic Mother where – at the end of you expressing your emotions and how her behaviour impacted you – she takes accountability and apologies. It’s futile. I’m not sure why you are even suggesting this?
Thank God, I am not the only one, who sees this. Thank for reality check. That's all I tried 57 years long.
NEVER DO THAT!
Once you leave the narcissistic jail cell, its like a whole new world opens up……….FREEDOM!!!
I don't think you ever recover from narcissistic parents the wounds are too deep.
Everything in this, absolutely everything, is a perfect reflection of my experience with the people who were biologically responsible for me. Thank you again Marisa!!
*Everything except the Doll House….
Say it with me..We are not crazy and it's them who are crazy .. May every Survivor heal and thrive …❤
When I finally told my mom that I had struggled with self harm since I was a kid, the conversation ended with me comforting her while she cried about being a bad mom.
I can’t remember a time when I have had my mother’s focus, unless it was when she was trying to draw me into a MLM 😂
My mother just gives me the silent treatment if I bring up anything that she did to me.
Thanks lots. That was my entire life
Only thing i hate about it is that she turned my sisters and my father against me.
If you've been narcissistically abused by your mother and you want to heal, I suggest you skip this video. It will do more damage than good to follow this advice. Move on.
Yes, it was ALWAYS my fault. Still is. The catch is there is NOTHING I can do to actually make anything better! I see it now. I need to get away, but I don't know how to "abandon" her. She'll be alone and after everything it still breaks my heart 💔
Yeah, no, that conversation we all fantasized about, isn’t happening. If they listen it will be to get better ammunition to hurt you with.
My mother never says that “ im sorry I love you”. Never in my life
Im totally done with my mum
There was no point in confronting our pathological narcissist mother about the situation. I tried from my earliest memories to level with her, and all it did was intensify the attacks. She resented getting pregnant with me: she made me the reason she couldn't leave Dad for failing to be a perfect father to her illegitimate first-born and return to her parents, once again, all out of sorts. So, she decided to make everyone miserable to the point it seemed she was addicted to it.
After tens of attempts to walk away, I finally did at 46 years old following her consecutive, public backbiting sessions in pursuit of supply. She was "Miss Information, the Queen of Envy", and at that point I couldn't care less anymore.
Yes they always make things about themselves and they want to be heard but don’t want to hear you they love to criticize you and tell you often what they don’t like . They always focus on the negative in every aspect of life as a adult child dealing with her is even worse smh
I like the videoes but I Think this one is quite the contrary to helpful When having suffered from narcisitic abuse of a parent. 1) The parent will not listen to you but try to gaslight you into thinking you are the issue. 2) The sentence with ‘i want to .. so I Can love you more’ triggers a lot of pain in me, from having Cut contact with the abuser, this comment made me feel an overwhelm of shame and guilt for having Cut contact and for not wanting to love the abuser more. And I know that this is because of faulty programming.
Just a heads up ❤
They won't even have the conversation.
Unfortunately, some of this is bad advice. Narcissists are demonic souls and don't give a damn about how you feel. My philosophy is that people either care or they don't. Narcissists just don't care, and we need to heal ourselves.
My mother overcontrols everything about us even though we are all adults now… She said when I die you can do whatever you want ! She would actually throw a tantrum for everything that doesn't go her way. She just criticises and abuses ghosts you to the point where you begin to doubt your sanity .. accepting the fact that she will never be truly loving and supportive brings such peace .. letting go of the hope things were different .. I don't have to tell her but I forgive her
This sounds like a sweet advice but the problem is as soon as you make your narcissistic mother take some responsibility and accountability they’ll only be defensive and turn everything back to you
Narcissists could care less about your feelings. Trying to engage like this is pointless. Marissa obviously has no experience with a narcissist
now I found out that yes my mother is a narcissistic she can't take the blame for being in a homelessness position in blaming her husband for it but she's putting down on me for the lies when she can't own up as a parent she acts all high and mighty in front of others but lie in front of my face
I'm 23 years old and I'm just realizing what my mother is – a narcissistic and egocentric person. She always has to be right, she's always the victim, she acts perfect in front of others, she's never wrong, she has hit me in the past, she's never been nurturing and prefers to talk about other people than ask me questions about how I'm doing. She also puts my dad and sibling against me – so I'm the black sheep of the family which frankly I don't care how they view me because they too have treated me wrongly and have no compassion over me. Anyways my mother is exactly as described in this video. As soon as I can, I plan to move out if God allows it.
My gosh this Is exactly what I am dealing with! To a tee. I needed to hear this today. Thank you 🙏
My mom to the T. People can’t understand why I don’t miss her. If you had a narcissist parent you will understand why you are happier without them and stop trying to please them because it was never enough. I jumped through all the hoops it was never enough. Marissa’s meditations are helping me heal
The recommendation to have a conversation with a narcissist about your feelings, is unrealistic advice.
Feelings are never discussed.
It would end up with insults, put downs, and turn into a huge fight.
Narcissists do not have the capability of empathy and do not care about the opinions or feelings of others.
That’s it, town Saint, house deviil , my parent was shouting and screaming all the time, we never knew why. But now I do listening to this.
I had a very different upbringing from my sister. She was treated like trash and was essentially a slave to her. Made to feel worthless etc. I was the golden child. Made to feel superior to everyone else. I ended up with serious delusions of grandeur, social anxiety and a constant feeling of not living up to my potential. I've been unpacking these behaviors for years now.
Your advice is valid but I think the way you present them is confusing to those need help. ANY conversation with the narcissistic mother is a total waste of time. She’s incapable of listening to anything you say, and anything she say is just one or a combination of a) lies and narratives to present her false and inflated grandiosity; b) playing victim; and c) using projection or triangulation to imply her superiority over your inferiority.
You should point out early and clearly that narcissists are unreasonable people and just can’t be spoken to.
I tried many times as a kid to talk with my narcissistic mother but as a kid, I shouldn’t have had to be the adult. She won’t change and I will not walk on eggshells any longer. Going no contact was the best thing for me.
Meh my mom deflects and plays a victim if I ever bring anything up. There’s zero point.
This woman describes my mother to a T.
I agree with most of what you said except for the "I want to love you more, and there are things in the way of me loving you more". Love should be unconditional. Instead, say "I want to LIKE you more. I love you, but your behaviors make it hard for me to like you as much as I'd like to"
You’re so easy to listen to. Which is amazing for such a complex topic.
I love a lot of Marissa Peer’s work- but This doesn’t sound like the advice of someone who understands narcissistic parents at a deep enough level. I don’t believe that what she is suggesting would work with a truly narcissistic parent. I wonder if the advice she gives here comes from research or is simply her personal opinion ?
Thats to lgical. My psychopath father cant remember what happened 3 hours before. He will deny everything. 😢
I had a pretty damn good comeback once. My mom had basically discarded me at 15 after a failed relationship that she ultimately blamed me for. One day, I came home with a broken wrist from an injury at school (got tackled by a kid who weighed at least 50lbs more than me, and I landed wrong). There was no concern, no sympathy, no empathy – just "call your dad – you're not my problem anymore". After that, I did everything I could to avoid being home and I would never call. She attempted to shame me for not having the consideration to call her to tell her where I was, and I just said "You told me I wasn't your problem anymore. In my mind, that forfeits your right to be concerned". Boy, did that piss her off!
8:10 I don’t think the Doctor understands narcissistic mothers. There is no way a narcissist mother would allow you to get to the second sentence. We are talking about a serious mental health problem where the mother has no feelings whatsoever for their children. It would be not only be a waste of time trying to talk about one’s feelings, the narc mother would most probably become very angry and abusive. These mothers go to their graves believing they’ve been wonderful mothers.
You are smoking dope. Please don't give people hope that something we say can change the relationship with our narcissistic parents. You are encouraging the continuation of trauma bonding. The sooner we give up on these relationships being healthy for us, the sooner we can accept reality, give up hope, and then heal.
I felt so disheartening knowing all the partner I’ve attracted to is a mirror of my mother. Healing comes in waves…be gentle with urself.
I realized my mother was a covert malignant narcissist after her death at 95. I was her FULLTIME caretaker for 5 years until her death. I am the only living member of my on both sides of my family. I had an older sister who was so brilliant she was a member of MENSA. But she was fat. My mother never let her forget it. She had 13 plastic surgeries including a gastric bypass. My sister became an alcoholic and opiate addict. She never married or had children and killed herself at 55. I aam 71 now and also alone. I chose to never have children either. My mother was beautiful charming and a very successful executive. People adored her…I now learned why I have no self esteem. No boundaries and was called everyones doormat. Unfortunately there is no one left alive who knew her to talk about thiis with. Thank you to all the people who comment because it makes me feel I am not alone. I am kind generous compassionate and empathetic. I rescue dogs for they are pure love and pure joy.❤
If I show this to my mom she would deny it that’s not her it’s all me she is no fault but mine and I am lying and doesn’t lie because she is the mom and mothers are perfect some moms are but not all
I went from a narcissistic mother to a narcissistic husband. I was married to him for 28 years. I was 19 when I left home and got married. I spent so many years not knowing about narcissism. It was what I knew I guess. Getting real healing is very difficult. I’ve been divorced 12 years now. My mom though is still a part of my life. I’m a mess. lol 😂